We've got all the thrilling answers you're looking for right here! There are a million things to love about Five Flags over Charmland, but we realize some of you still have questions. Let's respond to our favorites:
Why Did Charmland USA Become a Five Flags park?
Last month, Moody's Investors Service cut our credit rating outlook from "negative" to "epic fail," and thus we realized we needed new sources of income to stop the financial bleeding. Despite having little cash on hand, we were able to negotiate the purchase of Charmland for an astonishing price of $20.00 plus a Big Mac.
What's New for 2009?
Practically the entire park! We have a new brand identity, website, and of course incredible new attractions such as KaLiath, the world's fastest and tallest roller coaster! We'll also debut a fabulous new whale show spectacular, where kids will even be able to feed and swim with the star, Shouka Khan!
I have a vendetta against long lines. What are my options?
Plenty! For a low fee, you and your group can get a FlashPass that will let you cut in line at several of our most popular attractions! On average, we've found that a two hour wait can be reduced to a much more manageable 50-minute one. In other fantastic news, we're also debuting our incredible new No.2-Bot technology, which allows you to stop by a special kiosk and make a priority bathroom reservation. When the high-tech No.2-Bot device vibrates, you'll know it's time to go!
Can I process my Charmland Season Pass at another Five Flags park?
Unfortunately no. We're currently in the process of upgrading our computer systems from Windows for Workgroups 3.11 to a brand new configuration, but this will take some time to implement.
I want to work for Five Flags. What qualifications
You're hired.
Hey, where'd all the trees go?
Be sure to tell all your friends about KaLiath, the newest and most exciting addition in Charmland's history ever! 2009 is going to be great.
