WHAT'S HAPPENING
Crisis in the Making
At 12:02 A.M. We received word that Charmland USA, one of our country's core contributors of jobs, tourism and giant ass stuffed pandas, would not be opening to the public in 2009.
Read About the Original Charmland Here
The Market Responds
Later in the afternoon Five Flags, Inc. responded by announcing the purchase of Charmland, thereby bringing it into the Five Flags Family and ensuring a much greater chance of success.
Read About Five Flags Over Charmland Here
I'm Here to Save the Day
Unfortunately it has come to our attention that Five Flags illegally performed the transaction by using a counterfeit $20 bill. Given the dire nature of this emergency, the only reasonable course of action is for the government to use taxpayer funds to rescue Charmland while it returns to a positive cash flow.SIGNED LEGISLATION
American Amusement Recovery Act
Signed: Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Fresh Midway Muzak Act
Signed: Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Online Coaster Popularity Poll Ban Act
Signed: Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Put a Cool Dark Ride In Every Park Act
Signed: Wednesday, April 1, 2009
AGENDA
Economy
The President wishes to ensure amusement parks have the resources needed to continue indefinitely.
Steel vs. Wood
The President is ordering his best advisors and scientists to conclude the victor once and for all.
CONNECT WITH US
